I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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