so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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