Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
