I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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