Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
