I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
