when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Someone signed my nipple.
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