when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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