Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
