What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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