Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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