i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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