you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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