new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
