did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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