just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
