I can text with my tongue
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
