imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
