Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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