I puked a lego.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
