counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
