Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
