I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
