Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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