I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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