I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
