Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
