remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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