i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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