After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They have beer where we have blood.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
