god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
soo... how was my night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
