I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
