This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
