Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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