Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
