FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
