This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
