this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
