I think I died a long time ago.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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