My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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