I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
