the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
