Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's the barista slut.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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