You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
3 2 1 whiskey
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
