I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
