belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
