I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
