We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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