I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
