why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
two words...techno handjob
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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