She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
