so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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