he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
