Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
