Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
