He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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