I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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