Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
