the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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