girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
