I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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