he shaved USA in his pubs
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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