Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
