I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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