I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
