i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
