Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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