you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
