dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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