If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
