She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
try to milk me bitch
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