So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
