She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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