I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
