So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
