I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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