I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
