Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
