i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
